Sam was cursing his stars for coming down to India’s business capital city of Mumbai; so called epitome of ever growing companies and a global village. 

He really didn’t had any memories of so called Mumbai, as his parents migrated way back to an alien city in USA. He hardly visited India due to scarcity of holidays in father’s account or mother’s constant nagging of narrow minded in laws. In his father’s pink slip duration, he had heard about Mumbai, his father’s native place and had some livid sketches in his mind. Mangesh Bhalerao, his father always took pride in being from Mumbai; a progressive and global industry hub offering amalgamation of all cultures, providing food and shelter to all without discrimination. But either Sam’s dad got suddenly busy in his projects or Sam was way lost in his thoughts; they stopped talking about Mumbai. Once Sam did tried to ask him about the city, matter was shirked away in no time; something must be wrong, but he dare didn’t ask him. 

It’s been 10 years; his parents met with an accident and left him alone to fend for himself in this cruel city. He did odd jobs with everybody for completing his study; including a Pakistani, Bangladeshi and fellow Indians from other unheard parts of India. He never had time for religious activities, never went to a temple but people referred him as a Hindu. When he topped his University, awarded a gold medal; he first thanked his Part-time employer, a Bangladeshi. When he called all the names from all different parts, he wanted to thank; people rose on their feet and clapped for him, he became famous overnight for being a global citizen holding no bars.  

Sam got a job with McDermott Inc. and after a successful stint in UK, South Africa and Nigeria; requested to be posted in India. Request for Indian posting was result of reading a famous book for managers “A monk who sold his Ferrari” and attending so called Indian Yoga. However, he also wanted to taste spicy Indian curries, as described by famous food critic, Himanshu Manroa.

Sam was sure his father’s stories about cosmopolitan culture of  Mumbai, may also help him in earning more money for him and the company and he will be able to buy his sea facing flat on all cash basis in NY. 

He got down at Mumbai airport but surprisingly the language written everywhere was alien to him. He remembered his father’s words, everybody knows English and it’s never a problem; Sam knew English, Spanish and a bit of Hindi. He tried stopping some people and talking to them for directions or taxi but nobody paid a heed to him.

Before coming down to India, he had a lengthy discussion on the strategies with Pooja, MD, India, McDermott. She did mention something deadly as ‘Bandh’, where every industry gets down on their knees and do no work. Sam also remembered Mauna Varta (people following it, don’t utter a single word). However it was beyond his capabilities to understand, what’s happening around him and why the heck, nobody cared a dim for him. 

Suddenly some people came armed with bamboos and sticks and thrashed him badly. They were speaking a language alien to him but their intensity showed, they were not saying kind words. Fortunately somebody called an ambulance,when he could open his eyes; it was paining like hell, he was in hospital and the date was 28^th September. In other words, he had already spent around 7 days in hospital; now he was worried. 

He tried talking to doc and nurse; still nobody cared a dim. He tried finding logic, may be overnight some disease spread and all Indians are deaf; he shouted vigirously “Aaaaaa hhhhhh” and to his surprise, everybody out there, kept hand on their ears. Sam’s mouth was now wrapped with a tape but he was happy and hopeful; Indians can hear, so somebody will hear him. 

At last his company officials in India were able to locate him in the hospital but surprisingly they didn’t talk to him. He tried talking to them, even threatened them with suspension and dire consequences but to no avail. He was suspicious, are they people from his company but logo did portray their affiliation; and thankfully it did match mine. 

He was discharged from the hospital and taken to his office, 4 floors below the ground. Here suddenly he could hear some heavenly words, “hello! Sumatra, how are you?”

He was taken aback, everybody tried speaking with him and he could understand; they were pleading their cases and asking for forgiveness for my sufferings. He was confused, how things changes so soon; he thanked the elephant face god, it was heavenly.

“Drastic Changes have taken place in using any other language anywhere, now other Indian languages can be used 2 floors below the ground and non- Indian languages needs to go beyond 3^rd floor”, taking a sip of coffee, Pooja made me understand. 

She also explained me few draconian laws

1. If any person found speaking any other language, people are free to kick him anywhere anytime and there is no law to save him. People saving him / her will be branded anti national.
2. Corporate companies who have English speaking staff, pay additional 70% tax.

He took early morning flight back to his hometown, NY with his mouth shut close.

Sam was at comfort with everyone; he could relate to his father’s last words, you are a resident of NY and this is your country.

I wanted to post, few of thoughts bothering me throughout this long weekend; certain developments disturbed me so much so that I could not write any.

On this 61st Independence day, everyone either in media or newspapers is questioning the achievements of India. I don’t understand this hoopla because m sure, these buggers don’t have any standing even in their own family. Otherwise, why do we see negative each time, it easy to criticize than take some action. I prefer to write on topics, which are progressive in nature and may do away some ills.

First thing bothering me is Jammu and Kashmir, although I understand there is some problem but don’t know what. Separatist Muslims are demanding freedom from India and inclusion in Pakistan, not backed by any development agendas but solely on religious grounds. Hindus don’t want to let it go, because it’s an integral part and acceding to this demand may mean a series of other similar demands.

Just to conclude, anything which is decided based on some artificial categories are meant to bring more hatred, when categories will divide into more sub-categories. Only thing which can bring glory to humankind is development and being human....be tolerant brothers & sisters. 

Second thing bothering me is “Matribhumi”, a movie by Manish Jha. A futuristic movie on female foeticide made me cry umpteen times. Females are certainly born with more intellect and patience (rarely found in male species). As people have to pay a hefty sum for marrying off their daughters, I understand some of the problem. However it’s more of dowry, poverty, family misconceptions combined with some of the ill traditions, that’s causing much of the damage to females population. In a lighte vein, guys like Ranbeer Kapoor in “Bachna aiye haseeno” are added threat to female’s population; Indian parents are very protective about pre marriage encounters directly linking them to family’s name. We should not distinguish on gender lines; may not serve us well in future. This is another sad movie after Swadesh and Black, which made me cry.

In rural areas, as the number of marriageable women declines, men would tend to marry younger women, leading to a rise in fertility rates and thus a high rate of population growth. The abduction of girls is an associated phenomenon. The Hindustan Times recently reported that young girls from Assam and West Bengal are kidnapped and sold into marriage in neighbouring Haryana.

Please be true to human kind, fear the almighty and protect females.

There are other things bothering me every now and then; let them control my mind or vice versa.

If they overpower me, I will bother you again….till then see you with best of wishes…

Happy Independence day my dear mother India…we love you and we will preserve you.

Want to see a Sardar Munna bhai, go and watch "Singh is Kinng"

Although sardars are known for their hot temper and boiling blood, here is Happy Singh (Akshay) wants to be one.
He indulges in fun and frolic at the cost of villager's peace and loss of property.

There is another singh, dats lucky (Sonu Sood) based in Australia and he is a DON, known as KING.

Villagers get frustrated with Happy's antics and to get rid of his havoc wrecking habits, villagers hatch a plan and send him  to australia for bringing Lucky back to his village.

Thw whole story revoles around Happy's efforts to make his fellow villagers mend their ways and come back to village. In between he also find love in Katrina's arms.

Kiron Kher has been badly wasted  as a loud and poor panjaban based in australia.Although Ranvir looks hot as a arm candy of Katrina and has proved...he can mischoose his roles too.Ranvir is known for his meaty roles, talent and Konkana Sen, how can he too..brutus?

Akshay rocks, katerina's plain jane image (pretty face without emotion) is maintained.

This movie's strong and weak point both are Akshay....he is a proved stud, a good actor.However sardar Munnabhai is something, which people didnt expect and will take time to digest.

Are you ready for Munnabhi..changing avtar from Mumbaiya Tapori to A kind hearted surd....watch it

I rate this movie as 5.5/10

A geek and a beauty  

My phone was acting weird from some days, suddenly a pop up welcoming me or a sound like hush or automatic theme activation. Being a nerd myself, I knew something was wrong. I worked on making a Bluetooth tracer and hacked into central server and alas, I could identify the culprit location through GPS.  

Tracking way through my GPS tracker, I reached city café and found a girl in her twenties, playing with her mobile and my GPS tracker could identify her.

 I pulled a chair and sat beside her and asked “Why me, babe?” 

She responded unflinchingly “So that you can find me, I am Tina. I’m your sister’s best friend”. I was taken aback. 

She showed me some outstanding tricks on her gadgets. By looking at her picture perfect figure, I knew she was not capable of working hard to learn the ropes of geeky world but yes, must have worked hard in Gold’s Gym.  

So I asked her ‘what’s your source, because you do not belong to cheesy nerdy world’. 

She answered with one liner “I was a geek’s girlfriend” 

She rode pillion with me and entered my cozy terrace. I told her to take a seat and be comfortable. I appreciated the guts and off course…. the looks!!

I took water bottle, poured them in two glasses and saw her flipping pages of my yet to be published book “Free Email services and loop holes- expert guide”. 

She asked me curiously about loop holes. I explained her, the nuisances involved in hacking and most importantly to delete the foot prints (traces which can lead an investigation agency to the source of hack). I took solace in fact that being a proud nerd; my knowledge surpasses common people’s understanding. 

We chatted for a while and then she left for her place.

I was busy in my offshore oil exploration projects, as Engineer in ONGC. 

In my next trip back home, I thought to visit her and when I reached there; found 3 police vans queued in parking place. I was sure, she must have loaned trouble for herself by fiddling with gadgets, once again. 

There was some suited booted police walas…they saw an opportunity in the well oiled hair of a geek, that’s me. Cyber crime people asked me 100011 questions in total however they had to let me go as I was a mechanical engineer and had my ONGC employee id. 

Right in front of her house, I saw another geek (her ex) with soda water glasses, polluting the socio fabric culture with abuses directly lifted from ancient mohanjodro site. There I saw, the ninth wonder of the world; a Haryanvi touching his feet and saying “Oh my Lord!! Make me your abuse disciple” 

I got to speak to the beauty finally; she invited me for a party at Taj Lands End.  

She has invited the world over and the do was real classy and had been organized keeping in mind the different tastes of world, in one side Rakhi Sawant was Strutting her X and Y axis and Gary lawyer was practicing in the party. 

She took my hand and showed me around. I asked her HOW? 

She said Thanks…and walked towards stage. 

I read in bold letter “Book Launch – Ms. Tina” 

Book’s name was ‘geek’s girlfriend’ and tagline was “be a geek to take revenge from a geek” 

At least last 10 pages were lifted from our last meeting and surprisingly in THE FOREWARD; she has thanked me 1000 times for being the best teacher.

With heavy breath, I read last 6 lines....

………and to fulfill my revenge, I tried to learn the tricks of a geek. It took me years to know that, although you can pretend to be a geek but can never be one at your will; geeks are born not made. I saw one geek drowning him in champagne and told to myself, he is the one who will help me attain moksha and he did. 

I learnt the trades of geek and assassinated my geek’s character, money and ultimately the pride……he is going to remember me…. forever. 

[ This is a techie version, so if you dont understand it..dont worry there will be a non-techie version coming soon. ]

(Inspired from a true story)   

“A dead man walking out from his funeral procession” this sensational news was getting wide media coverage.

The dead man stood in a queue, took a bus to Dadar and waited outside the lift of Sai Pride Apartments. It was funny to see people scared and running away from him. He was on TV, Radio and virtually everywhere, riding on people’s mind and topic of discussion in all talks.

He took lift, reached 8^th floor, opened lock and rested on Bed.  He can see 27 years of his age passing by just like a typical Karan Johor film. It had everything happiness, sorrow, obstacles and a happy ending.

“Stand in a Queue” instructed Mr. Bose and kids as always obliged by forming a straight line. Mr. Bose was very enigmatic and energetic athletics teacher, he taught students a way to healthy life. He was in class 5^th; empty stomach wasn’t helping him in physical exercises either. It’s not that he didn’t bring breakfast or lunch, he did but other children bullied him and always ate his homemade food.

Mr. Bose told them passionately “If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you.”

A big frame duffer looking guy was constantly kicking him on his back; he could instantly connect with his athletics teacher’s saying and found a passion. He was a lean frame guy, he knew he won’t be able to kick big frame guy ever; but standing in a queue can be avoided. He has his own passion now “AVOID QUEUE”. Now, he hated standing in a line, forming a queue. This hatred also came from his being last one of triplets to touch the earth; at that time it was suffocating, he wanted to come out first but other two bullied him in.

Some of his friends told him “Master Ji never stands in a queue so once you get older, you can do things your way; no queue”

It brought him immense pleasure; he was closure to his passion and hopeful of getting rid of long serpentine queuing exercise.

He was getting older and life taught him, older he gets, more lines he has to fall in. Only difference was the motives behind the queue; previously it was to get in the school, now is to get in the bus to go to work. Wherever he goes, he could saw people forming a queue. He took a pledge; tomorrow no queue whatsoever.

Now the day of decision; he left from home, took staircase to avoid the lift queue and smile score was one. Now, he has to avoid the queue at bus stop; he tried taking auto or cab but road was full of vehicles queued up. He couldn’t walk to work as it was nearly 10 kms away; but he wasn’t the one, who goes down without putting up a fight. He removed all his cloths, removed a gutter cap and entered into it. He walked towards office but it was dark and smelly and after a while some strange smells forced him to come out of another open gutter; he was unconscious in no time and he died instantly besides the road.

A Gentleman standing in a nearby hair cut queue took him to hospital; he was declared dead on arrival. For getting their medical dues cleared, pretty nurse called up his family and gave them the bad news.

He could clearly remember being with Yamdoots and standing in a queue for people, who died unnaturally, outside the Heaven door. The air was so polluted, it smelled horrible. Road was full of potholes; which humans refer as black hole (Ozone layer depletion). I called God; he told me there is waiting period of 365 days for heaven so they have a special offer, whoever wants to go back shall be allowed. There was one condition; your corpse has to be there on earth in one piece.  I still remembered; I hated queue. I relented out of the queue; came down after forming a small queue. Fortunately there was long queue at Funeral House so I could find my corpse intact with my near and dear ones worried. My friendly Yamdoot taught me to be alive again and I walked out of my funeral procession.

If I have to join a queue even in heaven then why not to enjoy the life at earth and go to heaven without waiting period.